Accounting for Taste
by Asterisk78
Summary: When a ragtag group of new recruits comes to GI Joe, Scarlett expects it to be mostly business as usual. As it becomes clear that's far from the case, she ends up learning more about love, absurdity, and Snake Eyes than she ever thought she would. Set between the movies.


A/N: Just my silly take on what might happen if someone with weirdly exceptional skills was recruited to GI Joe. Obviously, I own nothing.

* * *

Staff meeting mornings weren't usually good mornings. Scarlett knew they were necessary, important even, but she still didn't like them. They always reminded her of everything she wasn't doing. But this morning was special. Not only was General Hawk announcing the list of recruits who would be brought to the Pit on a trial run, there were donuts. And she had been promised crullers – enough crullers for everyone this time – which meant this staff meeting was almost guaranteed to make her day better.

Scarlett got there early, but Snake Eyes was already there. He was almost always early; it called attention when you were late, and he wasn't a fan of that. He was sitting in his usual spot – in the corner, against the wall – and on a napkin on the chair next to him sat a single golden cruller.

"For me?" she asked. He nodded.

"You didn't have to," she said, sitting down next to him with her cruller in hand. "There were supposed to be enough to go around."

 _Wanted to be sure_ , he signed.

"I appreciate it," she assured him.

They sat in silence for a moment, until Snake Eyes turned to her. _Anyone you have your eye on?_

"One of the women – the polyglot who's studying at Trinity College right now – seems like she'd be a good fit," Scarlett replied.

 _Very qualified._

"I agree. She'd be an excellent choice," Scarlett said. The logical choice, she almost added, but she stopped herself. Ripcord would have teased her about it – he didn't mean anything by it, she knew. But the way he always told her she sounded like Spock didn't feel a compliment, either. Going to college at twelve meant she had never been to high school, had been an outsider all through college itself, and still usually felt like an alien in a way that wasn't really funny. But she shook it off. It wasn't his fault. After all, she'd never told him. He would've been hurt, and she really hated to hurt him.

By then, the meeting was starting to coalesce. Hawk had taken a seat at the front of the room, a stack of manila folders in front of him.

"He's got a lot of folders, don't you think?" Ripcord asked, sliding into the seat beside her.

Scarlett shrugged. "We tend to cast the net wide and only keep a few of them. Lots of them wash out."

"I don't know. Duke said there were some weird ones in there this time," Ripcord replied.

"There are always weird ones," Breaker cut in. "How do you think we got Scarlett?"

"Because you're normal as normal could be," she shot back.

"Kind of you to notice," Breaker replied.

Hawk cleared his throat. "All right, everyone, if you all have your crullers, I think it's about time to start this meeting. As you all know, today we're reviewing potential recruits to the team, and we'll start with the top four." He spread the file folders on the table in front of him, to better see the names. "I'm starting with the least ridiculous candidate, because frankly, we are all going to need that optimism by the time I get to the bottom of this pile."

Scarlett frowned. Hawk had never exactly been chipper, but this was unusual. Maybe this group was special.

Hawk picked up the first file. "First, we have Lieutenant Jaye Burnett. Linguist who does undercover work. Seems to offer some great skills we don't have already, and by all accounts a good soldier. In short, an excellent candidate."

"Then we have Sergeant Dashiell Faireborn. His military specialty is 'Agility Expert', which I didn't even know was a thing. But apparently he's good at it, so sure, Hawk, we'll just send him your way. We also have Corporal Lance Steinberg. His file says that he, and I quote, 'acts like a Mad Men extra, but is also a sorcerer with cars.' So you know, exactly the kind of person who you want to be trapped in a giant hole in the desert with." Hawk flipped to the next bunch of folders. "And finally, we have Nevaeh Raven, no apparent rank, whose file literally just says that she does computers. Also, she's eighteen."

Duke sighed. "You know, when you put them all together like that…it seems worse. Than looking at the individual files, I mean."

"I know," Hawk said darkly, glaring at the folders.

"We could just wash all of them out preemptively except the first one, and wait for something better," Heavy Duty said. "Which is to say, literally anything."

"It's an administrative thing. I have to bring in new soldiers and make a show of trying them out at least once a quarter. This is just a lean quarter," Hawk replied. "Exceptionally lean."

"How did the last girl even end up here?" Breaker asked. "She barely has any experience – it doesn't even make sense that she's recommended to work with us."

"Someone did pass her file along," Hawk said. "And this certainly isn't the first weird dossier we've gotten."

"But she can't be emotionally ready," Breaker protested. "She's just a kid. Adults can barely handle these kinds of jobs, she'll burn out before you can blink."

"What do you think, Scarlett?" Hawk asked. "You went to school young."

Scarlett could feel herself freezing up. She managed to smile, half-heartedly. "This isn't a university."

"Of course. But do you think she's emotionally mature enough to handle working here?" Hawk said. "Based on your experience."

She smiled again. She could feel the "No" on the tip of her tongue, was almost willing to release it. Except that doing that would be admitting that her parents had been wrong, and that she had been too young.

"It really depends," she replied with a shrug.

"Well, I suppose it won't hurt to let her try," Hawk said. "And we need at least four. If it's not her, it's the laser guy, or the one with the bird."

"She sounds fine," Scarlett said, less confident than she would have liked.

"Then it's settled," Hawk said. "Now, on to the next point: it appears not everyone got the memo about leaving your coffee grounds in the sink."

* * *

As she was leaving the meeting, Snake Eyes tapped her on the arm. _Are you okay?_ he asked cautiously.

She blinked. She had been hoping no one would notice, but Snake Eyes had a knack for noticing things that she would rather he didn't. Then again, he also had a knack for looking when no one else did.

"I'm fine," she said. "But thanks for asking."

He regarded her coolly. _She's young for this._

She frowned. "What are you trying to say?"

 _I started young too._

She blinked. Snake Eyes didn't talk about his past much. Sure, she'd managed to guess some things – he obviously knew Storm Shadow, for example – but for the most part she was as in the dark as anyone. So to have him come out and say it was…odd. She didn't mind, but it did throw her, and she found herself scrambling for words.

"I'm sorry for your emotional distress," she managed to say, grimacing almost as soon as the words came out.

But Snake Eyes just looked amused, patted her shoulder as if to say he knew what she meant, and turned down the hall toward the dojo. She watched him leave, quietly resisting the urge to curse her graceless tongue.

* * *

The recruits arrived a few days later. Hawk had asked everyone to come to the briefing – he was originally only going to invite the most senior members, but when it became apparent that rank and seniority were completely out of sync, he had just invited everyone.

"Hello, and welcome to GI Joe. Our recruitment process is quite rigorous, so I have no doubt that you're all very talented. However, we also have a high washout rate, so don't take it personally if you aren't a good fit. I'm looking forward to seeing what you all put out there over the next few weeks," Hawk said.

Of course, Scarlett knew he didn't mean most of it. Even now, just standing there, one could almost get a sense for the recruits. Jaye Burnett was composed and attentive. Standing next to her, Faireborn was staring at anything but Hawk – the wall, the floor, the ceiling – while Steinberg was glancing over at Scarlett too often for it to be a coincidence. And Nevaeh Raven just looked…bored. Even Steinberg was being more subtle than she was.

Hawk plodded through the rest of his speech, and launched himself into introductions. He worked his way down the line until he got to Snake Eyes, who looked more uncomfortable than Scarlett had ever seen him in his life. And just as Hawk uttered the phrase "hand-to-hand specialist", Scarlett caught a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye. It was Nevaeh Raven. The girl who'd managed to look bored for the last twenty minutes was suddenly paying rapt attention, and it had settled directly on Snake Eyes.

Scarlett didn't want to call that look predatory, but it was the first word that came to mind.

"That's all I have for you today. Dismissed," Hawk said. As Scarlett turned, he called to her. "Would you mind showing our youngest recruit to her room?" he asked.

"Of course," she said, pausing to allow time for the other girl to provide a rank.

"Petty Sergeant Raven," the girl replied, sounding distinctly hostile.

"Petty Sergeant?" Scarlett asked, puzzled. "What branch is that?"

"Army," Nevaeh Raven said. "Duh."

It was not Army. So far as Scarlett knew, it wasn't real.

"But I don't really do ranks. My code name is Crystal Light," the girl said, meaningfully touching a crystal she wore at her neck.

"Like the drink?"

The girl frowned. "I meant Crystal Strike."

"Well. In any case, we give you a code name – and we'll do it once you've actually gotten on the team," Scarlett replied. "How do you think I got a name from a novel about Civil War apology?"

The girl just looked at her blankly.

"You're bunking down this way," Scarlett said, motioning for her to follow.

But Sergeant Raven wasn't listening. She was looking down another the hallway. "Is that the dojo down there?" she asked.

"Yes. You'll see more of it when we start doing hand to hand evaluations."

"Will Snake Eyes be doing them?" she asked. There it was again, that look.

"Actually, I usually take care of that. Since it requires verbal instruction," Scarlett replied. And interacting gracefully with other humans, she added silently to herself, only because that it really was a miracle that she was being chosen for her people skills.

"So he doesn't talk?" she asked.

"No."

"Why?"

"That's an awfully personal question, don't you think?" Scarlett replied.

Sergeant Raven shrugged. "Not really."

"He's private about it," Scarlett replied, looking at the new girl in confusion. "I'm sure he'll tell you if he ever thinks it's appropriate."

By then, they had arrived at Raven's room. "I'll leave you here," Scarlett said, turning to walk down back down the hall.

"Wait. Where am I supposed to report after this?" Raven asked.

"You're going to go to see Breaker," Scarlett replied. "He's in the Command Center, so you just walk down this hallway until it tees, and then you should see some doors to your left."

Raven stared at her blankly again.

"Do you need a map?" Scarlett asked.

"No," Raven replied. "Just, um…why am I being sent to the computer guy?"

"Because your specialty is…computers," Scarlett said, pronouncing the word with something she hoped didn't sound like disgust. "And he wants to evaluate what that means."

"I should be with the other martial artists," Raven replied.

Scarlett frowned. "There are no martial artists in your cohort."

"Fine. I get it," Raven replied flippantly. "Thanks, Scarlett."

Scarlett left with the distinct feeling that she had done something wrong. She was still entirely unsure what that was.


End file.
